GOODBYE....2010, 2013

This letter was written in 2010, when I decided to resign my teaching positions and return to live in America. I had been living and working in Taiwan for 11 years then, since 1999. After I left, I returned briefly to teach in 2011, and now returned again for 6 months, September 2012 - February 28, 2013…..Re-reading the original letter, it still reflects my true deep feelings, so this time I want to share it on my new blog and Facebook page. I will leave Taiwan again on 228, and expect to always return.

A VERY PERSONAL GOODBYE, FOR NOW . . . . .

一封私密的暫別信

Dear Friends,

親愛的朋友們：

I am leaving Taiwan on 31 July 2010, and going back to America, after 11 years

of living and teaching here. This truly was the most meaningful period in my life.

Taiwan has changed me forever, in only good ways.

我在台灣定居的教學生涯已經有十一年，七月三十一號，我即將告別台灣回到美國。

這段時光絕對是我人生中最有意義的一段，台灣改變了我的一生，而且都是正面的轉變。

                                       

Teaching and living in Taiwan has re-opened my creativity, heart, intellect,

and passion, after a decade of mourning in America. Taiwan, literally, has been

a rebirth, and I have become a better, more caring (hu)man.

在美國經歷了十年的低潮後，我來到台灣定居教學，台灣重啟我的智慧和創意，

更點燃我的熱情和真心。不容諱言地，台灣是我的重生之地，讓我不只變得更好，

也更會關懷他人。

Hopefully, some of my students have also been affected positively. I want

to believe that my teaching has contributed useful ideas, insights, challenges,

and alternatives. I wanted to offer honest, real support. All of us need strength and help in our long struggle for a career, creativity, love, and meaning.

And I wish my presence here has in some way helped Taiwan.

但願我的學生們也曾受我正面影響。我相信從教學中能帶給學生有益的思想，洞察力，

挑戰性和新思維，我也誠心提供實質的幫助。我們在人生路上，無論是奮鬥事業、

創造新意、追求愛情、和找尋真理，都需要力量和援助。

我希望我們的交會曾或多或少幫助過台灣這塊土地。

Leaving Taiwan, I will be able to spend time with my closest friend in America,

who has sacrificed by patiently and sensitively waiting a decade for me to return. My spirit feels a need to finally give my loyal friend a little comfort and, hopefully, happiness in their old age.

更重要的是，我將能常伴我的摯友們左右，他們已經犧牲漫漫十年，不厭其煩地長候我歸來。我必須回饋那些不離不棄的朋友們，使他們晚年感到安慰，甚至是喜悅。

I understand the dreams of many Taiwanese to live outside Taiwan.

Everyone should live outside their country and culture, for at least a year.

It gives you a completely different perspective about your country, builds

lasting self-confidence, and develops vital personal skills to face future realities.

我知道許多台灣人夢想移居海外。每個人確實該跨出自己的國土和文化至少一年，

如此一來你將會用截然不同的角度省視自己的國家，建立堅定的自信，

並發展個人專長以面對未來的現實問題。

                                                                                   

My reasons for loving Taiwan are the people, nature, and culture.

Taiwan certainly has major problems - like America, China, and the rest

of the planet. But I have felt emotionally, creatively, and humanistically healthier and more spiritually fulfilled in Taiwan, than any place I have ever lived.

Perhaps my past life was in Taiwan. Taiwan is not heaven, but when you compare it to most countries in the world, it is among the best.

我之所以熱愛台灣，是因為這片土地上的人、大自然、和文化。台灣的確面臨重大問題，美國、中國和世界其他國家皆然。然而相較於我住過的其他地方，台灣讓我感受到更豐富健全的情感、創意和人道精神，也使我性靈更加飽滿。或許我上輩子生在台灣吧！

台灣雖稱不上仙境，但相較於他國，這裡已是數一數二的美鄉。

I like the experience of being around Taiwanese…strangers, workers, students, colleagues, and friends, (though not the politicians and developers). The close relationships between classmates, friends, and some families are very moving

to me. Seeing Taiwan young people makes me feel more optimistic and joyful. Seeing Taiwan old people gives me a guide and hope for my own future.

我很喜歡和台灣人相處，無論是陌生人，工人，學生，同事和朋友們（但政治人物和土地開發商不在此列）。同學間、朋友間和家庭間的緊密關係深深打動我。台灣青年總讓我更加欣喜樂觀，而台灣的長者則能指引我方向與希望。

Nature and the environment in Taiwan are still alive and magnificent, despite

the painful attacks by pollution, highways, development, materialism, corruption, and power struggles.

I drove on small roads through countless villages and farms, across different mountains a dozen times, around the entire coast of Taiwan, and visited Lanyu. It is a wonderful land. Before or after you travel abroad, you should really see Taiwan.

即使受到環境汙染、高速公路、開發建設、唯物主義、貪污舞弊和權力鬥爭等沉痛的打擊，台灣的自然環境依然生氣勃勃且雄偉壯麗。我曾多次駛在鄉間小路上，

穿過無數村落和農莊，越過不同的山嶺，環繞整個台灣海岸，更造訪蘭嶼。

這是座寶島，出國旅行前，你一定再仔細看看她！

So many Taiwan filmmakers, photographers, artists, dancers, writers, singers, and musicians of all generations are terrific and world-class, even when they do not have the strong support of government, educators, critics, or Taiwan audiences. The timeless quality, creativity, and importance of good and great art does not depend on recognition or acceptance.

台灣各個世代的電影工作者、攝影師、藝術家、舞蹈家、作家、歌手、和音樂家都相當傑出，具世界級水準，即使他們沒有政府、教育家、評論家、和台灣觀眾當後盾。

不過藝術的美好和重要性，和它的質感和創意是永恆不滅、不受時間限制的，

她無須仰賴他人認可或接納。

I have shared with Taiwanese my personal experiences of the end of Martial Law, first DPP march through Taipei, Chiang Ching-kuo’s death, economic boom, 921, first free election, change from dictatorship to democracy, peaceful hand-over of power from KMT to DPP, Hands Across Taiwan, the miraculously nonviolent million-people Red Shirts’ sit-in, Moracot, pre-unification with China, and never-ending tragic earthquakes, typhoons, mudslides, floods, as well as the just (and sometimes mistaken) economic and political protests.

我和台灣人共同經歷見證了好多事： 戒嚴時期終結、第一次民進黨在台北遊行、蔣經國逝世、經濟起飛、921震災、首次民主選舉、從專制走向民主、國民黨和民進黨的和平政權轉移、手牽手護台灣、百萬紅衫軍不流血靜坐抗議、莫拉克颱風、兩岸維持和平現狀，以及所有無止盡的地震、颱風、土石流、水災、經濟和政治的抗爭。

A question everyone may have is, “If you love and respect Taiwan, why didn’t you learn Chinese?”  There are many easy answers that may seem logical: laziness, brain too old, no time, etc.  The answer is more complex (and perhaps unbelievable) than you can imagine….

每個人或許都抱持相同疑問：「如果你愛台灣，尊重台灣，為什麼不學中文呢？」

或許有很多看似合理的理由，例如：懶惰，腦袋老化，時間不夠等等。

然而真正的理由是無法想像地複雜（或者是難以置信）：

(1) My inability to understand Chinese means that I don’t have to hear

all the silliness, stupidity, prejudice, propaganda, lies, and advertising manipulation that I have to hear and understand in English. Chinese washes over me like a gentle bubbling brook…But I know it is very hard and unfair that you have to speak English to communicate with me. The consequence is that I cannot become as close to you as I want to, so I suffer a deep emptiness.

因為不諳中文，我不用再受愚昧、廢話、偏見、謊言、宣傳和廣告炒作所荼毒，就像以前受英文荼毒一樣。中文彷彿是一道潺潺清流洗滌著我。我知道使你們用英文和我溝通相當困難，也極不公平，這層隔閡使我們無法變成想像中那樣親近，我也為此深感空虛無力。

 (2) All my life, before Taiwan, I depended on language to communicate.

I use English very well… In Taiwan, I must use every other way than words

to understand and communicate. This has made me a better filmmaker, writer, critic, teacher, friend, lover, and human being. Now I have to fully use

all my senses, and have become much more sensitive. I pay attention to faces, hands, body language, movement, tone of voice, atmosphere, and feelings,

to understand the truth. People often say little or big lies to others,

and to themselves. Words are not precise, and too often cover up the truth

and real feelings.

來台灣以前，我一生都依賴語言溝通。英文我是駕輕就熟，但在台灣我必須使用語言之外、任何可能的方式來溝通理解。這讓我成為一個更好的電影人、作家、評論家、

老師、朋友、愛人、或更好的人。現在我變得更加敏銳，因為我必須完全開放我的感官。

我觀察表情、手勢、身體語言、動作、聲調、氣氛和感知來了解真相。

人們經常說或大或小的謊言欺騙別人，甚至蒙蔽自己。語言文字並不精準，

經常包庇真相和隱藏真實的感受。

(3) Without Chinese, I remain an Explorer, even after 11 years in Taiwan.

This makes my life a lot more difficult, but makes every day more exciting

and alive. I have to be fully awake!

少了中文，即使在台灣十一年後我依然是個探險者。這使我的生活更加困難，

但是每一天卻因而更加刺激生動，因我必須保持絕對清醒。

I feel like a long-lost brother of Taiwan. In my heart, Taiwan has replaced

my troubled country, my culture, and my missing family.

Thank you for giving me a rare opportunity to share and experience with you all…..

我像是台灣走失多年的兄弟。在我心中，台灣已經取代我的國家、我的文化和我的家庭。我真心感激有如此寶貴的機會，能和你們共同分享體驗這一切。

RON

杜子樹